Oh those pesky little thoughts that infiltrate your mind at bedtime. You had the worst day ever and all you want to do is cover your head and go to sleep.
No, wait your mind says, what about that issue you had to deal with at the department store today. You know in your mind that their comment was said without any thought and it completely destroyed your mental balance.
Now you roll yourself up into the fetal position and cover your head with the pillow, feeling like an idiot because your response wasn’t what you wanted it to be. You were supposed to say something, not stand there with your eyes bugged out and mouth wide open.
Oh! Here we go, as the multitude of scenarios start bombarding your head. I would’ve said “this” or I would’ve said “that”. Okay, now you’re mad, why in the world would they of said “THAT” in the first place?
As you roll over on to your back, staring at the ceiling, you’re struck with fear. Who else heard what they had said? Who else was watching and listening? Why should I care anyway?
Now you are rigid, arms done by your side, fists clenched. You can feel your forehead, jaw and teeth all clench at the same time. What if I would have done “that”? What if I would have done “this”? On and on it goes.
AH! Lets try some relaxation techniques. Going through the process of deep breathing and relaxing your body from your toes to your head. Taking your time and desperately trying to stay focused. Once you’ve reached the top of your head, feeling all relaxed, then BAM, it starts all over again. The would’ve, the should’ve and the could’ve.
You anxiously look at the alarm clock only to discover, that it’s a lot later than you thought. Okay let’s try this again, after about the 4th or 5th time, maybe even longer, you just eventually fall into a restless and very unsatisfying sleep.
Upon rising in the morning, you feel the effects of that restless night, only to start the whole process over again.
I eventually found what worked for me, to get my head to shut-up and I have been striving for the next level in life with an open mind and an open heart.
As for meditation, well I’ll just have to keep trying and hope that one day I might become successful at it and if I don’t, well, lets just leave it at that.